...something happens that makes me realize exactly how much I enjoy being me.
I love my life.
GIGGITY.
That is all.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Don't Need No Hateration
Whaddown. I'm back with some more shit on my mind. Mkay, for those who don't know I'm an artist affiliated with S.O.G. I'm really excited to be down with them. I love learning from these cats in a positive and nurturing environment. Plus, I don't think I have to worry about any of them trying to get the draws (lol) so that's a good thing. But I've digressed. Let me get back to the topic at hand.
I'm not one of those chicks who always thinks she has "haters". In fact, I despise the word. However, some shit has transpired with me and a close cousin recently that I have to get off my chest, and if there ever was a criteria for hateration, I'm pretty sure this fits the bill.
Before I get into this story let me give u some background about my cousin and I. We were raised together, the only children of our mothers, our mothers being the only children of my maternal grandmother. Because our mothers were young and still semi wild often times it'd be me and the cuzzo with Granny.
Physically, I am what some label a "brick house". Everything sits where it's supposed to, and, even in my early teens I had enough ass to make grown men weak. I also have a decent bust size and thick legs and thighs. In addition to that, my face is kind of chubby but I have a beauty mark on my right cheek that has inspired poetry. No I'm not being cocky that's just what it is.
Now, my cousin, has always been a plus sized woman. Now if her size affected her then she never let it show. Though she has rolls she is absolutely gorgeous and has never had a problem getting boyfriends and girlfriends. In fact, because of her outgoingness she has had an easier time garnering intimate attention that me, because I am cursed with chronic social awkwardness. Yep, that's right, I'm weird. Up until the summer before high school I wore thick black glasses and never quite knew what to do with my hair. So, we kind of evened each other out.
Fastforward to now. Though I'm in love with someone (u remember her) she has made it not so clear that she is not in love with me. Yes, I mean not so clear. She called me her soulmate and then asked that we stop being "mushy" with eachother cuz she's involved with someone else and doesn't see us working out anywhere in the near future. and all of this was after she literally quoted every single poem I've ever written. Those that were about her and not about her. Yeah, so needless to say I was mighty hurt and shocked. But as u all know I do my thing so while I'm still miffed about her the show must go on.
There's a new chick I decided to pull off the bench. Gorgeous agressive woman with auburn locs that fall past her shoulders, a sweet smile, and a charming southern disposition. (love them country girls!) She and I met through the cousin. I'm a poet so I'm always writing some new shit. She read a piece I wrote following the inaugeration and contacted me regarding it. Since then we had been communicating via fb. Well when my love pulled her shit I decided there would be no harm in giving this chick my number. So I did. And she began texting and calling and we've been getting close. Now I did have a slight problem with communicating with her without my cousin knowing, but my cousin, before she knew the country girl(CG) and I communicated without her in the picture, stated how uninterested she was in the girl and how the chick got on her nerves. Taking that into account I STILL asked CG what was up between her and cuz. She, too, told me that she was single and they were just friends. SO I figured that gave me the green light.
CG wanted to see me on Valentine's Day, and I wanted to see her as well. So we made a date for that night. Cuz and her people were having a party so we decided to roll through there. We get to this damn party and Cuz sees us walk in together. I had on a freakum dress and some stilettos and CG had on the stud uniform; baggy jeans and ed hardy hoodie and some creative recs. We looked DAMN GOOD. The FIRST THING out of Cuz's mouth was, in a loud ass voice "Bitches, I KNOW y'all don't think y'all walkin' in here together like y'all a couple!!!"And I'm stuck. I take my coat off and sit down a minute to think. I'm like... I know the bros over hoes rule and I think I did the right thing in this situation. But then I second guessed myself, decided that if my cuz still liked ole girl that I'd back off. So, despite the fact that I came with ole girl I made sure to stay away from her.
During the party my cuz was all over CG. Hugging her touching her and basically staking her claim. And like I said earlier I keeps it moving so I decide to grab another chick. After all, I'm me. lol. But then the most fucked up shit happened. Everytime I was about to pull a chick, my cousin ended up right there. Saying shit like "Don't fuck with my cousin!" and "My cousin don't want u get out her face!"
But I DID want them! All of em! Like Pokemon, I was tryina catch em all! And everytime I got close and my dress started talking for me my damn cousin started talking louder. There was even a point in the night where my cousin said, outright "Bitch don't think you cute just cuz yo legs showing and yo ass look fat!"
WTF??? Yeah so I was a little miffed.
I guess the moral of this story is that "haters" take on every form, even family. And I learned my lesson.
Next time, I'll have the chick take me somewhere my cousin isn't gonna be. ;-)
I'm not one of those chicks who always thinks she has "haters". In fact, I despise the word. However, some shit has transpired with me and a close cousin recently that I have to get off my chest, and if there ever was a criteria for hateration, I'm pretty sure this fits the bill.
Before I get into this story let me give u some background about my cousin and I. We were raised together, the only children of our mothers, our mothers being the only children of my maternal grandmother. Because our mothers were young and still semi wild often times it'd be me and the cuzzo with Granny.
Physically, I am what some label a "brick house". Everything sits where it's supposed to, and, even in my early teens I had enough ass to make grown men weak. I also have a decent bust size and thick legs and thighs. In addition to that, my face is kind of chubby but I have a beauty mark on my right cheek that has inspired poetry. No I'm not being cocky that's just what it is.
Now, my cousin, has always been a plus sized woman. Now if her size affected her then she never let it show. Though she has rolls she is absolutely gorgeous and has never had a problem getting boyfriends and girlfriends. In fact, because of her outgoingness she has had an easier time garnering intimate attention that me, because I am cursed with chronic social awkwardness. Yep, that's right, I'm weird. Up until the summer before high school I wore thick black glasses and never quite knew what to do with my hair. So, we kind of evened each other out.
Fastforward to now. Though I'm in love with someone (u remember her) she has made it not so clear that she is not in love with me. Yes, I mean not so clear. She called me her soulmate and then asked that we stop being "mushy" with eachother cuz she's involved with someone else and doesn't see us working out anywhere in the near future. and all of this was after she literally quoted every single poem I've ever written. Those that were about her and not about her. Yeah, so needless to say I was mighty hurt and shocked. But as u all know I do my thing so while I'm still miffed about her the show must go on.
There's a new chick I decided to pull off the bench. Gorgeous agressive woman with auburn locs that fall past her shoulders, a sweet smile, and a charming southern disposition. (love them country girls!) She and I met through the cousin. I'm a poet so I'm always writing some new shit. She read a piece I wrote following the inaugeration and contacted me regarding it. Since then we had been communicating via fb. Well when my love pulled her shit I decided there would be no harm in giving this chick my number. So I did. And she began texting and calling and we've been getting close. Now I did have a slight problem with communicating with her without my cousin knowing, but my cousin, before she knew the country girl(CG) and I communicated without her in the picture, stated how uninterested she was in the girl and how the chick got on her nerves. Taking that into account I STILL asked CG what was up between her and cuz. She, too, told me that she was single and they were just friends. SO I figured that gave me the green light.
CG wanted to see me on Valentine's Day, and I wanted to see her as well. So we made a date for that night. Cuz and her people were having a party so we decided to roll through there. We get to this damn party and Cuz sees us walk in together. I had on a freakum dress and some stilettos and CG had on the stud uniform; baggy jeans and ed hardy hoodie and some creative recs. We looked DAMN GOOD. The FIRST THING out of Cuz's mouth was, in a loud ass voice "Bitches, I KNOW y'all don't think y'all walkin' in here together like y'all a couple!!!"And I'm stuck. I take my coat off and sit down a minute to think. I'm like... I know the bros over hoes rule and I think I did the right thing in this situation. But then I second guessed myself, decided that if my cuz still liked ole girl that I'd back off. So, despite the fact that I came with ole girl I made sure to stay away from her.
During the party my cuz was all over CG. Hugging her touching her and basically staking her claim. And like I said earlier I keeps it moving so I decide to grab another chick. After all, I'm me. lol. But then the most fucked up shit happened. Everytime I was about to pull a chick, my cousin ended up right there. Saying shit like "Don't fuck with my cousin!" and "My cousin don't want u get out her face!"
But I DID want them! All of em! Like Pokemon, I was tryina catch em all! And everytime I got close and my dress started talking for me my damn cousin started talking louder. There was even a point in the night where my cousin said, outright "Bitch don't think you cute just cuz yo legs showing and yo ass look fat!"
WTF??? Yeah so I was a little miffed.
I guess the moral of this story is that "haters" take on every form, even family. And I learned my lesson.
Next time, I'll have the chick take me somewhere my cousin isn't gonna be. ;-)
Monday, February 9, 2009
Out of My Body
This ain't me normally, but I'm hardcore pissed right now. So fuck it. Let it ride...
Poem Cry
Very rarely do I feel the need to step outside of myself/
go so hardbodied/
they could use me as material for bulletproof cars and/
I look up at stars/
and I think of my scars and/
I curse every one that aligned/
watched the moon arise/
and in doing so christened you a gemini/
Gemini,
I and my/
stubborn Taurus refuse to believe/
that you were intent on hurting me/
but it's one of me and two of you/
which means that at some point you had to/
have had a conversatoion and come to the fucked up conclusion/
that the transfusion/
which bonded you to me was an ellusion/
and rather than stop it before it started/
and leave my heart soft instead of hardened/
you battled internally
while outwardly loving me/
you said I made you happy/
but apparently/
soulmate ain't enough for a double human/
u need miracles and I ain't Jesus so I don't know how the fuck to do it/
I mean I can buy a coupla wheat slices/
fry some catfish/
but I doubt it'll magically multiply and be enough to feed the masses/
you showed yo ass its/
a shame that we right here/
when ten minutes before your new revelation we were right there/
kneeling together in humble admission/
that the love bug was alive and well and like Sarah Jessica Parker we'd been bitten/
smitten/
searching for nothing/
just loving/
like only we did/
when we did/
if we did/
cuz right now I'm seriously questioning it/
and what was the point of telling me you were coming back/
if it was to be followed by Palin like facts/
incorrect and unresearched/
now I hurt/
curse the seasons/
weezy like reasons/
fuck a summer cuz unlike Stevie I knew you'd leave/
fuck a spring cuz new growth means shit to me/
and you can keep your winter cuz it's colder than I thought and/
I'm not even gon sit here and entertain autumn/
which besides a breeze don't bring nothing at all/
but tears that will never ever ever ever fall/
I'm small/
in this universe but my spirit is colossal/
hopefully the next time I see you our bodies will be fossil/
ized and my eyes/
will lock onto yours and remain dry/
and there's no love lost cuz obviously there was never none around/
and if Love's bitch ass does darken my doorstep
I guarentee, she's goin' DOWN.
Poem Cry
Very rarely do I feel the need to step outside of myself/
go so hardbodied/
they could use me as material for bulletproof cars and/
I look up at stars/
and I think of my scars and/
I curse every one that aligned/
watched the moon arise/
and in doing so christened you a gemini/
Gemini,
I and my/
stubborn Taurus refuse to believe/
that you were intent on hurting me/
but it's one of me and two of you/
which means that at some point you had to/
have had a conversatoion and come to the fucked up conclusion/
that the transfusion/
which bonded you to me was an ellusion/
and rather than stop it before it started/
and leave my heart soft instead of hardened/
you battled internally
while outwardly loving me/
you said I made you happy/
but apparently/
soulmate ain't enough for a double human/
u need miracles and I ain't Jesus so I don't know how the fuck to do it/
I mean I can buy a coupla wheat slices/
fry some catfish/
but I doubt it'll magically multiply and be enough to feed the masses/
you showed yo ass its/
a shame that we right here/
when ten minutes before your new revelation we were right there/
kneeling together in humble admission/
that the love bug was alive and well and like Sarah Jessica Parker we'd been bitten/
smitten/
searching for nothing/
just loving/
like only we did/
when we did/
if we did/
cuz right now I'm seriously questioning it/
and what was the point of telling me you were coming back/
if it was to be followed by Palin like facts/
incorrect and unresearched/
now I hurt/
curse the seasons/
weezy like reasons/
fuck a summer cuz unlike Stevie I knew you'd leave/
fuck a spring cuz new growth means shit to me/
and you can keep your winter cuz it's colder than I thought and/
I'm not even gon sit here and entertain autumn/
which besides a breeze don't bring nothing at all/
but tears that will never ever ever ever fall/
I'm small/
in this universe but my spirit is colossal/
hopefully the next time I see you our bodies will be fossil/
ized and my eyes/
will lock onto yours and remain dry/
and there's no love lost cuz obviously there was never none around/
and if Love's bitch ass does darken my doorstep
I guarentee, she's goin' DOWN.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Last Will & Testimony: A tag team by Daykeeper and Isis
Every now and then I get the urge to write about things I'm seeing. To chronicle the pain of others, shape it and make it beautiful in the hope that the cross becomes a lil easier to bare. This is a tag team between me and one of the most prolific people I know: fellow blogger and my G for life Isis.
I,
her heart,
being of unsound mind and broken body
do hereby bequeath my contents to the one who's left me bleeding/
all of my worldly possessions/
altruistic acts and good intentions/
are to be left at the feet of the one I intended/
to rock me lovingly/
for eternity/
his ownership of me natural/
my purpose to make his life complete/
his purpose to protect me/
but he's gone/
and my edifice has been vandalized/
by vagabondish lies
wandering into his psyche
and tagging his mental with graffitti/
colors not of my set
and words belonging to another territory/
one with/
locks and prison bars fashioned out of insecurity/
one with balls and chains inscribed with the statement " eff the baby now please me"/
I am the greener pasture/
the suburb which guarantees drama free living/
he lives here/
and yet he does not think he's earned the right to stay/
*Isis tagged in*
how could he when he's been preconditioned to grassless plains and crudy streets..
so in my newness lies questionability of the unknown/
hed much rather fall back
and let the net of safety fixed from previous affairs catch him and rock him in his contentment/
because for the first time his stunt went awry/
and the fans paused/
gasping breaths as they laid eyes to unheard of gestures/
intamacy met with I love yous and babe/
kisses goodbye/
lips locking souls tangling in a progress of romantic bliss/
stuntman to scarred to take the risk/
*I went in for the kill*
which is a shame/
cuz for all the songs in the world I haven't heard one sweeter than his name/
more popular that his eyes melodically capturing my gaze/
we harmonize with no notes/
but present, also, are violent chords/
that form nooses that are anchored to trees
and he slowly and methodically/
picked one
leaned a ladder up to the bark
slid his neck into the chosen hole
and jumped/
and with a snap that held many degrees of finality/
he hung us/
and, I simply cannot survive without him/
so I lay down and compose this/
give him all of me even though he killed it/
hoping that what he couldn't appreciate in a life/
he can appreciate in the space that lies beyond it./
Sincerely, Her Heart.
I,
her heart,
being of unsound mind and broken body
do hereby bequeath my contents to the one who's left me bleeding/
all of my worldly possessions/
altruistic acts and good intentions/
are to be left at the feet of the one I intended/
to rock me lovingly/
for eternity/
his ownership of me natural/
my purpose to make his life complete/
his purpose to protect me/
but he's gone/
and my edifice has been vandalized/
by vagabondish lies
wandering into his psyche
and tagging his mental with graffitti/
colors not of my set
and words belonging to another territory/
one with/
locks and prison bars fashioned out of insecurity/
one with balls and chains inscribed with the statement " eff the baby now please me"/
I am the greener pasture/
the suburb which guarantees drama free living/
he lives here/
and yet he does not think he's earned the right to stay/
*Isis tagged in*
how could he when he's been preconditioned to grassless plains and crudy streets..
so in my newness lies questionability of the unknown/
hed much rather fall back
and let the net of safety fixed from previous affairs catch him and rock him in his contentment/
because for the first time his stunt went awry/
and the fans paused/
gasping breaths as they laid eyes to unheard of gestures/
intamacy met with I love yous and babe/
kisses goodbye/
lips locking souls tangling in a progress of romantic bliss/
stuntman to scarred to take the risk/
*I went in for the kill*
which is a shame/
cuz for all the songs in the world I haven't heard one sweeter than his name/
more popular that his eyes melodically capturing my gaze/
we harmonize with no notes/
but present, also, are violent chords/
that form nooses that are anchored to trees
and he slowly and methodically/
picked one
leaned a ladder up to the bark
slid his neck into the chosen hole
and jumped/
and with a snap that held many degrees of finality/
he hung us/
and, I simply cannot survive without him/
so I lay down and compose this/
give him all of me even though he killed it/
hoping that what he couldn't appreciate in a life/
he can appreciate in the space that lies beyond it./
Sincerely, Her Heart.
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Ultimate
I debated fucking with this topic for fear of what might come out but ya know? I wouldn't be a writer if I strayed away from the uncomfortable. And I wouldn't be human if I didn't admit my flaws.
I am the other woman. I am. In fact, I'm the perfect other woman. Trained by the best to be the best at what it is I do. I'm about to launch into nostalgic soliloquy for a minute but I promise it has a purpose. so just walk with me, k?
When I was about...13, I got my heart broke. Though I was only 13, it stayed with me. It doesn't hurt now, but to this day, even though I'm convinced it had something to do with his terminal assholishness, it stuck with me. I always felt like I was to blame for it. After him I had like... 4 or 5 bullshit ass relationships. You know nothing special just some young hot shit. No sex though. It was during the last of these relationships that I met the person who would forever change my life. Duck was 5'2, athletic, funny, crazily attractive, and female. Before I knew it I had fallen again. My poor lil boyfriend didn't know what hit him. In all of two weeks Duck had my ass, hook, line, and sinker. Because I'd only experienced heartbreak at the hands of a boy I had no clue that girls were capable of the same thing. OH, but they were. About 2 months into my blissful coming out affair Duck had cheated on me with one of my best friends (I hate that bitch to this day). But... I could not shake Duck. I loved her hard. And somehow, like I did with the guy, I convinced myself that I was to blame. Like, if I could just have been everything she wanted, she'd realize that I was everything she needed and she'd come back to me. It was there that I began my training.
It wasn't easy, at first, knowing that when the girlfriend walked into the room I had to move my hand or watch my speech. But I got used to it, I guess. As used to it as one can get. I learned how to shut the fuck up and just be there for her. I learned how to go out of my way for her and not expect anything in return. I learned how to make a person feel as if they're the most valuable thing on this Earth. Every relationship I entered into after her has been destroyed by what I feel/ felt for her. In my relationships, she came first. I am the ultimate other woman.
Now that I no longer deal with her in that capacity I realize that she's created the ultimate jumpoff. Here's why.
...
.....
.......I hate this shit.
I am the other woman. I am. In fact, I'm the perfect other woman. Trained by the best to be the best at what it is I do. I'm about to launch into nostalgic soliloquy for a minute but I promise it has a purpose. so just walk with me, k?
When I was about...13, I got my heart broke. Though I was only 13, it stayed with me. It doesn't hurt now, but to this day, even though I'm convinced it had something to do with his terminal assholishness, it stuck with me. I always felt like I was to blame for it. After him I had like... 4 or 5 bullshit ass relationships. You know nothing special just some young hot shit. No sex though. It was during the last of these relationships that I met the person who would forever change my life. Duck was 5'2, athletic, funny, crazily attractive, and female. Before I knew it I had fallen again. My poor lil boyfriend didn't know what hit him. In all of two weeks Duck had my ass, hook, line, and sinker. Because I'd only experienced heartbreak at the hands of a boy I had no clue that girls were capable of the same thing. OH, but they were. About 2 months into my blissful coming out affair Duck had cheated on me with one of my best friends (I hate that bitch to this day). But... I could not shake Duck. I loved her hard. And somehow, like I did with the guy, I convinced myself that I was to blame. Like, if I could just have been everything she wanted, she'd realize that I was everything she needed and she'd come back to me. It was there that I began my training.
It wasn't easy, at first, knowing that when the girlfriend walked into the room I had to move my hand or watch my speech. But I got used to it, I guess. As used to it as one can get. I learned how to shut the fuck up and just be there for her. I learned how to go out of my way for her and not expect anything in return. I learned how to make a person feel as if they're the most valuable thing on this Earth. Every relationship I entered into after her has been destroyed by what I feel/ felt for her. In my relationships, she came first. I am the ultimate other woman.
Now that I no longer deal with her in that capacity I realize that she's created the ultimate jumpoff. Here's why.
- Most importantly, pussy game proper. And by pussy I don't just mean intercourse or strapping up. I mean anything u want me to do I can and will do and I do it well. Take that back U will not use me as a toilet seat. period.
- My job is to cater to you. When I'm with someone, it's very rarely about me. It's about what I can do to make them feel the best they've ever felt. I'm not talkin' sexually I'm talkin esteem wise. I make u feel like there's nothing you can't do.
- I don't ask questions. Plain and simply, I just don't want the damn answers. And though, at times, I may catch feelings, they aren't important so how I feel is irrelevant.
- I don't trip if plans change or I'm set on the backburner. I'm used to it. I don't jap or go hard. Not my place.
- Lastly, and certainly one of the most crucial jumpoff rules, I know my place. You will never catch me going through e-mails, answering phones, confronting your girl, demanding shit, none of that. I really don't like the drama.
...
.....
.......I hate this shit.
Friday, January 9, 2009
In a Sentimental Mood
Yeah I'm in a sentimental mood. Sue me. Every now and then I climb down from my nigga logic and step lightly through Tollhouse type sweetness. The person I love...I guess we'll call her S. Anyway S and I have this habit of piggybacking off eachother.She'll write then I'll write or I'll write and then she'll write and the pieces end up kinda...matching. I think it's cool. Here are two we wrote some time ago. Mine is first because I wrote first, then about a week later she came to me with her words, so hers is last. We never title the things we do together but I like to call these pieces "Hapstatic"
No way around it
you...
make me...
happy
and if at your worst you're love
then at your best you're more than enough
to keep me
I believe that loving somebody this hard
for so long
is a miracle
and that definition fits this subject
cuz you are a blessing
and everyday I get to love you, well,
that's grace and mercy in theory and in practice
often times I go driving at night
stop in a secluded area
look up at the stars and wish on each and every one
then I slingshot messages of comfort and love across the night to you
in hopes that they land at your feet
you make me happy
like...new york cherry ice cream on a summer day
when I got my hair did and I'm in my favorite outfit type happy
like winter nights filled with
chili and hot chocolate a movie and a warm blanket type happy
or if that's too simple...
you make me happy like...
posthumous awards for revolutionaries that the world has finally recognized
or... discoveries of evidence people thought lost
which lead to answers
which finally lead to peace of mind
like...climbing stairways to heaven
tripping
sliding back about 4 steps
and having to relive part of this amazing journey
it's like...feeling then feeling again
the same way you felt
when you first realized
that you were in the middle of something different
special
real and untouchable
u make me happy
because even in absence it was decided for me that I should love you
that you'd be the one to make me happy
and though I don't frequently enjoy
decisions about my life being taken out of my hands
I was cool with it this time
because God took it in her hands
so I'd like to thank
both her and you
for making and keeping me happy.
And she responded:
If I make u happy
Then u make me
Ecstatic
Like a schematic of the galaxy
When all I needed was a 9 planet layout for my 5th grade
Solar system project
Like the winning lottery ticket
When all I prayed for
Was for a way for my ends to meet
And like
Lifelong lasting romance
When all I needed was a friend
Or if that’s too simple
You make me ecstatic
Like overjoyed
Like stevie’s simplest melody
Unchained and let loose over
Lyrical fantasias
You make me ecstatic like
Mutinously overthrowing pragmatic sanction
That I don’t agree with
And being rewarded by my people
Angela, Assata and amiri
Calling me revolutionary
Instead of the governor calling me parolee
And a call from the governor saying
We have chosen a day to honor
The sons and daughters of the revolution
Because we have come to conclusion
That martin luther the king wasn’t no one man show
And we are honoring your father for
Never riding in the heat of the back
Of a georgia bus
Before rosa parks was ever indicted
And we are honoring your mother
For trying to vote before any
Constitutional amendment was ever signed
You make me ecstatic like
My mama seeing me work for my degree
And checks to my daddy every month
Memo’d “thanks for raising me”
Ecstatic like my grandparents on their 70th wedding anniversary
And myths of black love becoming extinct
Being written out of history
Or if that’s not simple enough
You make me ecstatic
Like happy
Like summertime after the spring
Like the wedding after the ring
And like forever after the fling
You make me happy,
Like simply
You and me
And jill scott on the stereo and
Tree burning aromatherapy
So yeah I make u happy but,
You make me ecstatic.
Yep. She got me on that one. But it's cool, I'll take the L. She was actually the first person to make me wanna burn my notebook. The first time I really heard her spit I couldn't believe that all that power came out of this lil pipsqueak. lol. Maybe I was just hating cuz she beat me in the contest. Oh gimme a break it was 3rd grade. Met when we were 8, fell in love at 16. Since then we've kinda been stuck with eachother. And that's cool. Wouldn't trade her for the world.
Peace.
No way around it
you...
make me...
happy
and if at your worst you're love
then at your best you're more than enough
to keep me
I believe that loving somebody this hard
for so long
is a miracle
and that definition fits this subject
cuz you are a blessing
and everyday I get to love you, well,
that's grace and mercy in theory and in practice
often times I go driving at night
stop in a secluded area
look up at the stars and wish on each and every one
then I slingshot messages of comfort and love across the night to you
in hopes that they land at your feet
you make me happy
like...new york cherry ice cream on a summer day
when I got my hair did and I'm in my favorite outfit type happy
like winter nights filled with
chili and hot chocolate a movie and a warm blanket type happy
or if that's too simple...
you make me happy like...
posthumous awards for revolutionaries that the world has finally recognized
or... discoveries of evidence people thought lost
which lead to answers
which finally lead to peace of mind
like...climbing stairways to heaven
tripping
sliding back about 4 steps
and having to relive part of this amazing journey
it's like...feeling then feeling again
the same way you felt
when you first realized
that you were in the middle of something different
special
real and untouchable
u make me happy
because even in absence it was decided for me that I should love you
that you'd be the one to make me happy
and though I don't frequently enjoy
decisions about my life being taken out of my hands
I was cool with it this time
because God took it in her hands
so I'd like to thank
both her and you
for making and keeping me happy.
And she responded:
If I make u happy
Then u make me
Ecstatic
Like a schematic of the galaxy
When all I needed was a 9 planet layout for my 5th grade
Solar system project
Like the winning lottery ticket
When all I prayed for
Was for a way for my ends to meet
And like
Lifelong lasting romance
When all I needed was a friend
Or if that’s too simple
You make me ecstatic
Like overjoyed
Like stevie’s simplest melody
Unchained and let loose over
Lyrical fantasias
You make me ecstatic like
Mutinously overthrowing pragmatic sanction
That I don’t agree with
And being rewarded by my people
Angela, Assata and amiri
Calling me revolutionary
Instead of the governor calling me parolee
And a call from the governor saying
We have chosen a day to honor
The sons and daughters of the revolution
Because we have come to conclusion
That martin luther the king wasn’t no one man show
And we are honoring your father for
Never riding in the heat of the back
Of a georgia bus
Before rosa parks was ever indicted
And we are honoring your mother
For trying to vote before any
Constitutional amendment was ever signed
You make me ecstatic like
My mama seeing me work for my degree
And checks to my daddy every month
Memo’d “thanks for raising me”
Ecstatic like my grandparents on their 70th wedding anniversary
And myths of black love becoming extinct
Being written out of history
Or if that’s not simple enough
You make me ecstatic
Like happy
Like summertime after the spring
Like the wedding after the ring
And like forever after the fling
You make me happy,
Like simply
You and me
And jill scott on the stereo and
Tree burning aromatherapy
So yeah I make u happy but,
You make me ecstatic.
Yep. She got me on that one. But it's cool, I'll take the L. She was actually the first person to make me wanna burn my notebook. The first time I really heard her spit I couldn't believe that all that power came out of this lil pipsqueak. lol. Maybe I was just hating cuz she beat me in the contest. Oh gimme a break it was 3rd grade. Met when we were 8, fell in love at 16. Since then we've kinda been stuck with eachother. And that's cool. Wouldn't trade her for the world.
Peace.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Believe in Love, Damnit!
Okay, this has gone on long enough. All of my closest friends have, at some point this week, told me that they don't believe in love. Even the person I am in love with has told me she doesn't believe in love. When I asked for the reasons why the answers have varied. One of my friends even said "it's a chemical imbalance" (u ignent for that shit btw). But the conclusion was the same. It all boiled down to "I've been hurt, so I don't believe in love."
To this, I say, respectfully, GET THE FUCK OFF THE BULLSHIT.
Listen, and listen good. When you say you don't believe in love, you don't mean you don't believe in love. What you mean is that you're scared of being hurt again, which is understandable. However, you cannot let the fear of pain get in the way of what u stand to gain if you just...believe.
All people walking this Earth are just that, only people. We all fuck up. We do. And it is only in understanding that that we can accept situations for what they are. To you, Raekwon may be labeled "love of my life", but to Raekwon, he's just Raekwon. And u labeling him differently won't take away from the fact that he is who he is. Similarly, if Raekwon dubs u the love of his life are u gonna change your behaviors to reflect that title? NO. You will still be Koko. (btw all these names were made up in my ghetto fantasies...they are not real people). And reality is that before Raekwon, Koko fucked with Malik, Dayshawn, had a baby by Lil Nutsack, etc. There were situations before the one you were in. Why? Because your love's life did not begin with you.
Often times u set yourself up for bullshit. You meet someone, are swept off you feet, THEY fuck up, and then u walk around thinking that everyone is the same. So rather than judge Raekwon for who he is, u judge him for who Malik is. U walk in hating Malik and dooming your relationship with Raekwon. Then when u push him away after the most miniscule fuck up you're hating him and wondering why he leeeeeaaaaving. But, rather than placing the blame on yourself, rather than looking to see how u can change your mindset to make it better, u blame it on the thing that can't defend itself. And now yo silly ass hates love. Ole bitter ass bag lady.
And Raekwon, you not no better. Koko ain't Shatawna. U cannot hope to establish a foundation with Koko if u got 3 chicks on the side because Shatawna hurt u so much that u decided to be a playa. It don't work like that. Get your shit figured out before you attempt a real relationship. Because it's not fair to you, it's not fair to Koko, and it's not fair to love.
Please stop with the bitter act. It's tired and unnecessary. I am someone who has been very unfortunate in love. But I'm not blaming it on love. I've just come across some real assholes, and I've been a really big asshole. Love didn't fuck me over. Duck fucked me over. Love didn't fuck Bunny over, I fucked Bunny over. And I took those situations and dealt with them. Now Duck and I and Bunny and I are best friends, and my abulity to love is still intact.
I realize I rambled but my point is: Stop saying you don't believe in love and be specific. Because making that genrealization makes you a self fulfilling prophecy, and gives u license to fuck up every good thing placed in front of you.
peace.
To this, I say, respectfully, GET THE FUCK OFF THE BULLSHIT.
Listen, and listen good. When you say you don't believe in love, you don't mean you don't believe in love. What you mean is that you're scared of being hurt again, which is understandable. However, you cannot let the fear of pain get in the way of what u stand to gain if you just...believe.
All people walking this Earth are just that, only people. We all fuck up. We do. And it is only in understanding that that we can accept situations for what they are. To you, Raekwon may be labeled "love of my life", but to Raekwon, he's just Raekwon. And u labeling him differently won't take away from the fact that he is who he is. Similarly, if Raekwon dubs u the love of his life are u gonna change your behaviors to reflect that title? NO. You will still be Koko. (btw all these names were made up in my ghetto fantasies...they are not real people). And reality is that before Raekwon, Koko fucked with Malik, Dayshawn, had a baby by Lil Nutsack, etc. There were situations before the one you were in. Why? Because your love's life did not begin with you.
Often times u set yourself up for bullshit. You meet someone, are swept off you feet, THEY fuck up, and then u walk around thinking that everyone is the same. So rather than judge Raekwon for who he is, u judge him for who Malik is. U walk in hating Malik and dooming your relationship with Raekwon. Then when u push him away after the most miniscule fuck up you're hating him and wondering why he leeeeeaaaaving. But, rather than placing the blame on yourself, rather than looking to see how u can change your mindset to make it better, u blame it on the thing that can't defend itself. And now yo silly ass hates love. Ole bitter ass bag lady.
And Raekwon, you not no better. Koko ain't Shatawna. U cannot hope to establish a foundation with Koko if u got 3 chicks on the side because Shatawna hurt u so much that u decided to be a playa. It don't work like that. Get your shit figured out before you attempt a real relationship. Because it's not fair to you, it's not fair to Koko, and it's not fair to love.
Please stop with the bitter act. It's tired and unnecessary. I am someone who has been very unfortunate in love. But I'm not blaming it on love. I've just come across some real assholes, and I've been a really big asshole. Love didn't fuck me over. Duck fucked me over. Love didn't fuck Bunny over, I fucked Bunny over. And I took those situations and dealt with them. Now Duck and I and Bunny and I are best friends, and my abulity to love is still intact.
I realize I rambled but my point is: Stop saying you don't believe in love and be specific. Because making that genrealization makes you a self fulfilling prophecy, and gives u license to fuck up every good thing placed in front of you.
peace.
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