...something happens that makes me realize exactly how much I enjoy being me.
I love my life.
GIGGITY.
That is all.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Don't Need No Hateration
Whaddown. I'm back with some more shit on my mind. Mkay, for those who don't know I'm an artist affiliated with S.O.G. I'm really excited to be down with them. I love learning from these cats in a positive and nurturing environment. Plus, I don't think I have to worry about any of them trying to get the draws (lol) so that's a good thing. But I've digressed. Let me get back to the topic at hand.
I'm not one of those chicks who always thinks she has "haters". In fact, I despise the word. However, some shit has transpired with me and a close cousin recently that I have to get off my chest, and if there ever was a criteria for hateration, I'm pretty sure this fits the bill.
Before I get into this story let me give u some background about my cousin and I. We were raised together, the only children of our mothers, our mothers being the only children of my maternal grandmother. Because our mothers were young and still semi wild often times it'd be me and the cuzzo with Granny.
Physically, I am what some label a "brick house". Everything sits where it's supposed to, and, even in my early teens I had enough ass to make grown men weak. I also have a decent bust size and thick legs and thighs. In addition to that, my face is kind of chubby but I have a beauty mark on my right cheek that has inspired poetry. No I'm not being cocky that's just what it is.
Now, my cousin, has always been a plus sized woman. Now if her size affected her then she never let it show. Though she has rolls she is absolutely gorgeous and has never had a problem getting boyfriends and girlfriends. In fact, because of her outgoingness she has had an easier time garnering intimate attention that me, because I am cursed with chronic social awkwardness. Yep, that's right, I'm weird. Up until the summer before high school I wore thick black glasses and never quite knew what to do with my hair. So, we kind of evened each other out.
Fastforward to now. Though I'm in love with someone (u remember her) she has made it not so clear that she is not in love with me. Yes, I mean not so clear. She called me her soulmate and then asked that we stop being "mushy" with eachother cuz she's involved with someone else and doesn't see us working out anywhere in the near future. and all of this was after she literally quoted every single poem I've ever written. Those that were about her and not about her. Yeah, so needless to say I was mighty hurt and shocked. But as u all know I do my thing so while I'm still miffed about her the show must go on.
There's a new chick I decided to pull off the bench. Gorgeous agressive woman with auburn locs that fall past her shoulders, a sweet smile, and a charming southern disposition. (love them country girls!) She and I met through the cousin. I'm a poet so I'm always writing some new shit. She read a piece I wrote following the inaugeration and contacted me regarding it. Since then we had been communicating via fb. Well when my love pulled her shit I decided there would be no harm in giving this chick my number. So I did. And she began texting and calling and we've been getting close. Now I did have a slight problem with communicating with her without my cousin knowing, but my cousin, before she knew the country girl(CG) and I communicated without her in the picture, stated how uninterested she was in the girl and how the chick got on her nerves. Taking that into account I STILL asked CG what was up between her and cuz. She, too, told me that she was single and they were just friends. SO I figured that gave me the green light.
CG wanted to see me on Valentine's Day, and I wanted to see her as well. So we made a date for that night. Cuz and her people were having a party so we decided to roll through there. We get to this damn party and Cuz sees us walk in together. I had on a freakum dress and some stilettos and CG had on the stud uniform; baggy jeans and ed hardy hoodie and some creative recs. We looked DAMN GOOD. The FIRST THING out of Cuz's mouth was, in a loud ass voice "Bitches, I KNOW y'all don't think y'all walkin' in here together like y'all a couple!!!"And I'm stuck. I take my coat off and sit down a minute to think. I'm like... I know the bros over hoes rule and I think I did the right thing in this situation. But then I second guessed myself, decided that if my cuz still liked ole girl that I'd back off. So, despite the fact that I came with ole girl I made sure to stay away from her.
During the party my cuz was all over CG. Hugging her touching her and basically staking her claim. And like I said earlier I keeps it moving so I decide to grab another chick. After all, I'm me. lol. But then the most fucked up shit happened. Everytime I was about to pull a chick, my cousin ended up right there. Saying shit like "Don't fuck with my cousin!" and "My cousin don't want u get out her face!"
But I DID want them! All of em! Like Pokemon, I was tryina catch em all! And everytime I got close and my dress started talking for me my damn cousin started talking louder. There was even a point in the night where my cousin said, outright "Bitch don't think you cute just cuz yo legs showing and yo ass look fat!"
WTF??? Yeah so I was a little miffed.
I guess the moral of this story is that "haters" take on every form, even family. And I learned my lesson.
Next time, I'll have the chick take me somewhere my cousin isn't gonna be. ;-)
I'm not one of those chicks who always thinks she has "haters". In fact, I despise the word. However, some shit has transpired with me and a close cousin recently that I have to get off my chest, and if there ever was a criteria for hateration, I'm pretty sure this fits the bill.
Before I get into this story let me give u some background about my cousin and I. We were raised together, the only children of our mothers, our mothers being the only children of my maternal grandmother. Because our mothers were young and still semi wild often times it'd be me and the cuzzo with Granny.
Physically, I am what some label a "brick house". Everything sits where it's supposed to, and, even in my early teens I had enough ass to make grown men weak. I also have a decent bust size and thick legs and thighs. In addition to that, my face is kind of chubby but I have a beauty mark on my right cheek that has inspired poetry. No I'm not being cocky that's just what it is.
Now, my cousin, has always been a plus sized woman. Now if her size affected her then she never let it show. Though she has rolls she is absolutely gorgeous and has never had a problem getting boyfriends and girlfriends. In fact, because of her outgoingness she has had an easier time garnering intimate attention that me, because I am cursed with chronic social awkwardness. Yep, that's right, I'm weird. Up until the summer before high school I wore thick black glasses and never quite knew what to do with my hair. So, we kind of evened each other out.
Fastforward to now. Though I'm in love with someone (u remember her) she has made it not so clear that she is not in love with me. Yes, I mean not so clear. She called me her soulmate and then asked that we stop being "mushy" with eachother cuz she's involved with someone else and doesn't see us working out anywhere in the near future. and all of this was after she literally quoted every single poem I've ever written. Those that were about her and not about her. Yeah, so needless to say I was mighty hurt and shocked. But as u all know I do my thing so while I'm still miffed about her the show must go on.
There's a new chick I decided to pull off the bench. Gorgeous agressive woman with auburn locs that fall past her shoulders, a sweet smile, and a charming southern disposition. (love them country girls!) She and I met through the cousin. I'm a poet so I'm always writing some new shit. She read a piece I wrote following the inaugeration and contacted me regarding it. Since then we had been communicating via fb. Well when my love pulled her shit I decided there would be no harm in giving this chick my number. So I did. And she began texting and calling and we've been getting close. Now I did have a slight problem with communicating with her without my cousin knowing, but my cousin, before she knew the country girl(CG) and I communicated without her in the picture, stated how uninterested she was in the girl and how the chick got on her nerves. Taking that into account I STILL asked CG what was up between her and cuz. She, too, told me that she was single and they were just friends. SO I figured that gave me the green light.
CG wanted to see me on Valentine's Day, and I wanted to see her as well. So we made a date for that night. Cuz and her people were having a party so we decided to roll through there. We get to this damn party and Cuz sees us walk in together. I had on a freakum dress and some stilettos and CG had on the stud uniform; baggy jeans and ed hardy hoodie and some creative recs. We looked DAMN GOOD. The FIRST THING out of Cuz's mouth was, in a loud ass voice "Bitches, I KNOW y'all don't think y'all walkin' in here together like y'all a couple!!!"And I'm stuck. I take my coat off and sit down a minute to think. I'm like... I know the bros over hoes rule and I think I did the right thing in this situation. But then I second guessed myself, decided that if my cuz still liked ole girl that I'd back off. So, despite the fact that I came with ole girl I made sure to stay away from her.
During the party my cuz was all over CG. Hugging her touching her and basically staking her claim. And like I said earlier I keeps it moving so I decide to grab another chick. After all, I'm me. lol. But then the most fucked up shit happened. Everytime I was about to pull a chick, my cousin ended up right there. Saying shit like "Don't fuck with my cousin!" and "My cousin don't want u get out her face!"
But I DID want them! All of em! Like Pokemon, I was tryina catch em all! And everytime I got close and my dress started talking for me my damn cousin started talking louder. There was even a point in the night where my cousin said, outright "Bitch don't think you cute just cuz yo legs showing and yo ass look fat!"
WTF??? Yeah so I was a little miffed.
I guess the moral of this story is that "haters" take on every form, even family. And I learned my lesson.
Next time, I'll have the chick take me somewhere my cousin isn't gonna be. ;-)
Monday, February 9, 2009
Out of My Body
This ain't me normally, but I'm hardcore pissed right now. So fuck it. Let it ride...
Poem Cry
Very rarely do I feel the need to step outside of myself/
go so hardbodied/
they could use me as material for bulletproof cars and/
I look up at stars/
and I think of my scars and/
I curse every one that aligned/
watched the moon arise/
and in doing so christened you a gemini/
Gemini,
I and my/
stubborn Taurus refuse to believe/
that you were intent on hurting me/
but it's one of me and two of you/
which means that at some point you had to/
have had a conversatoion and come to the fucked up conclusion/
that the transfusion/
which bonded you to me was an ellusion/
and rather than stop it before it started/
and leave my heart soft instead of hardened/
you battled internally
while outwardly loving me/
you said I made you happy/
but apparently/
soulmate ain't enough for a double human/
u need miracles and I ain't Jesus so I don't know how the fuck to do it/
I mean I can buy a coupla wheat slices/
fry some catfish/
but I doubt it'll magically multiply and be enough to feed the masses/
you showed yo ass its/
a shame that we right here/
when ten minutes before your new revelation we were right there/
kneeling together in humble admission/
that the love bug was alive and well and like Sarah Jessica Parker we'd been bitten/
smitten/
searching for nothing/
just loving/
like only we did/
when we did/
if we did/
cuz right now I'm seriously questioning it/
and what was the point of telling me you were coming back/
if it was to be followed by Palin like facts/
incorrect and unresearched/
now I hurt/
curse the seasons/
weezy like reasons/
fuck a summer cuz unlike Stevie I knew you'd leave/
fuck a spring cuz new growth means shit to me/
and you can keep your winter cuz it's colder than I thought and/
I'm not even gon sit here and entertain autumn/
which besides a breeze don't bring nothing at all/
but tears that will never ever ever ever fall/
I'm small/
in this universe but my spirit is colossal/
hopefully the next time I see you our bodies will be fossil/
ized and my eyes/
will lock onto yours and remain dry/
and there's no love lost cuz obviously there was never none around/
and if Love's bitch ass does darken my doorstep
I guarentee, she's goin' DOWN.
Poem Cry
Very rarely do I feel the need to step outside of myself/
go so hardbodied/
they could use me as material for bulletproof cars and/
I look up at stars/
and I think of my scars and/
I curse every one that aligned/
watched the moon arise/
and in doing so christened you a gemini/
Gemini,
I and my/
stubborn Taurus refuse to believe/
that you were intent on hurting me/
but it's one of me and two of you/
which means that at some point you had to/
have had a conversatoion and come to the fucked up conclusion/
that the transfusion/
which bonded you to me was an ellusion/
and rather than stop it before it started/
and leave my heart soft instead of hardened/
you battled internally
while outwardly loving me/
you said I made you happy/
but apparently/
soulmate ain't enough for a double human/
u need miracles and I ain't Jesus so I don't know how the fuck to do it/
I mean I can buy a coupla wheat slices/
fry some catfish/
but I doubt it'll magically multiply and be enough to feed the masses/
you showed yo ass its/
a shame that we right here/
when ten minutes before your new revelation we were right there/
kneeling together in humble admission/
that the love bug was alive and well and like Sarah Jessica Parker we'd been bitten/
smitten/
searching for nothing/
just loving/
like only we did/
when we did/
if we did/
cuz right now I'm seriously questioning it/
and what was the point of telling me you were coming back/
if it was to be followed by Palin like facts/
incorrect and unresearched/
now I hurt/
curse the seasons/
weezy like reasons/
fuck a summer cuz unlike Stevie I knew you'd leave/
fuck a spring cuz new growth means shit to me/
and you can keep your winter cuz it's colder than I thought and/
I'm not even gon sit here and entertain autumn/
which besides a breeze don't bring nothing at all/
but tears that will never ever ever ever fall/
I'm small/
in this universe but my spirit is colossal/
hopefully the next time I see you our bodies will be fossil/
ized and my eyes/
will lock onto yours and remain dry/
and there's no love lost cuz obviously there was never none around/
and if Love's bitch ass does darken my doorstep
I guarentee, she's goin' DOWN.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Last Will & Testimony: A tag team by Daykeeper and Isis
Every now and then I get the urge to write about things I'm seeing. To chronicle the pain of others, shape it and make it beautiful in the hope that the cross becomes a lil easier to bare. This is a tag team between me and one of the most prolific people I know: fellow blogger and my G for life Isis.
I,
her heart,
being of unsound mind and broken body
do hereby bequeath my contents to the one who's left me bleeding/
all of my worldly possessions/
altruistic acts and good intentions/
are to be left at the feet of the one I intended/
to rock me lovingly/
for eternity/
his ownership of me natural/
my purpose to make his life complete/
his purpose to protect me/
but he's gone/
and my edifice has been vandalized/
by vagabondish lies
wandering into his psyche
and tagging his mental with graffitti/
colors not of my set
and words belonging to another territory/
one with/
locks and prison bars fashioned out of insecurity/
one with balls and chains inscribed with the statement " eff the baby now please me"/
I am the greener pasture/
the suburb which guarantees drama free living/
he lives here/
and yet he does not think he's earned the right to stay/
*Isis tagged in*
how could he when he's been preconditioned to grassless plains and crudy streets..
so in my newness lies questionability of the unknown/
hed much rather fall back
and let the net of safety fixed from previous affairs catch him and rock him in his contentment/
because for the first time his stunt went awry/
and the fans paused/
gasping breaths as they laid eyes to unheard of gestures/
intamacy met with I love yous and babe/
kisses goodbye/
lips locking souls tangling in a progress of romantic bliss/
stuntman to scarred to take the risk/
*I went in for the kill*
which is a shame/
cuz for all the songs in the world I haven't heard one sweeter than his name/
more popular that his eyes melodically capturing my gaze/
we harmonize with no notes/
but present, also, are violent chords/
that form nooses that are anchored to trees
and he slowly and methodically/
picked one
leaned a ladder up to the bark
slid his neck into the chosen hole
and jumped/
and with a snap that held many degrees of finality/
he hung us/
and, I simply cannot survive without him/
so I lay down and compose this/
give him all of me even though he killed it/
hoping that what he couldn't appreciate in a life/
he can appreciate in the space that lies beyond it./
Sincerely, Her Heart.
I,
her heart,
being of unsound mind and broken body
do hereby bequeath my contents to the one who's left me bleeding/
all of my worldly possessions/
altruistic acts and good intentions/
are to be left at the feet of the one I intended/
to rock me lovingly/
for eternity/
his ownership of me natural/
my purpose to make his life complete/
his purpose to protect me/
but he's gone/
and my edifice has been vandalized/
by vagabondish lies
wandering into his psyche
and tagging his mental with graffitti/
colors not of my set
and words belonging to another territory/
one with/
locks and prison bars fashioned out of insecurity/
one with balls and chains inscribed with the statement " eff the baby now please me"/
I am the greener pasture/
the suburb which guarantees drama free living/
he lives here/
and yet he does not think he's earned the right to stay/
*Isis tagged in*
how could he when he's been preconditioned to grassless plains and crudy streets..
so in my newness lies questionability of the unknown/
hed much rather fall back
and let the net of safety fixed from previous affairs catch him and rock him in his contentment/
because for the first time his stunt went awry/
and the fans paused/
gasping breaths as they laid eyes to unheard of gestures/
intamacy met with I love yous and babe/
kisses goodbye/
lips locking souls tangling in a progress of romantic bliss/
stuntman to scarred to take the risk/
*I went in for the kill*
which is a shame/
cuz for all the songs in the world I haven't heard one sweeter than his name/
more popular that his eyes melodically capturing my gaze/
we harmonize with no notes/
but present, also, are violent chords/
that form nooses that are anchored to trees
and he slowly and methodically/
picked one
leaned a ladder up to the bark
slid his neck into the chosen hole
and jumped/
and with a snap that held many degrees of finality/
he hung us/
and, I simply cannot survive without him/
so I lay down and compose this/
give him all of me even though he killed it/
hoping that what he couldn't appreciate in a life/
he can appreciate in the space that lies beyond it./
Sincerely, Her Heart.
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